Narcissus is a figure of Greek Mythology (something that’s always been an autistic “special interest” of mine – yet I never saw this coming and didn’t piece it together until long after it was over).
Narcissus was born when a River God raped a water nymph. He was a conceited asshole who spurned all his lovers. In one version, he rejects a mountain nymph who loves him and she fades away until nothing is left but her namesake, an Echo. Aphrodite, as Nemesis, sees this and decides to punish him. In another, Narcissus gives a sword to a human suitor and than man commits suicide and then prays to the Gods to give the vain douchebag a taste of his own medicine. Narcissus then falls in love with his own reflection and wastes away until he dies from his egotistical absorption.
But the thing about a playboy, is that you never feel like you’re getting played – at least not until it’s much too late.
My story of narcissistic abuse can be found HERE. It was only after a full year of no contact that I came across online groups, websites and infographics dedicated to this specific pattern of abuse — purely by chance — and that has helped me far more than all my other efforts at healing because there is still a small part of me that believes the lie (that I was treated this way because I’m unworthy) rather than the truth (I was treated this way for the sole purpose of making me believe that I’m unworthy so as to provide sadistic glee to a predatory sociopath).
I later recognized that this same pattern (albeit slightly different) was also used by my father, not only towards me and my mother but towards many other women.
To be clear, many women are themselves this type of abuser, it has nothing to do with binary gender or biological traits related to sex.
I finally feel free to move on from the trauma I was subjected to for real, but one thing remains to wear on my mind — and that is how this abuse is allowed to continue.
In my severely damaged state after being discarded, I naively entered into some bad situations where I was raped and violently assaulted and I’m often asked why I didn’t report those incidences; besides the fact that I did not know their surnames, or the fact that I have a history of valid reasons not to trust authorities of either the judicial or medical fields, the answer is simple — would you worry about bandaging a papercut whilst spurting an arterial leak from a gunshot wound with the bullet still inside? The emotional raping of my soul that was slowly and deliberately perpetrated against me was far worse and left a much deeper scar than the ignorant, selfish men who didn’t understand consent because no-one ever taught them that “no means no” properly. Even the pervasive familial abuse that I could not escape in the formative years of my life by multiple relatives cannot compare to the vicious severity of what I now know is called “Narcissistic Abuse;” or purposefully breaking the spirit of a human being for shits and giggles. If the boy who broke me ever read this, I’m sure he would be grinning at his own success – proud of what he did and elated that I still think about him (even if it is with disgust and pity).
My father is nearly 62 and extremely ill both physically and mentally. The amount of damage he can inflict on others is substantially limited now. But a young narcissist has at least fifty years left to plow through a string of generous, beautiful, talented people he can destroy and feed off of. The fact that this kind of predation is perfectly legal (domestic abuse of the physical kind can be prosecuted against, but not psychological abuse by someone who can’t even be called your ex because you never really dated – that’s apparently all on us for falling for their charms and tricks – not like there’s often any proof at all anyway). There is nothing I can do to warn or protect people from befalling the same fate. I would never have known what to search for or even where to begin looking; I came across this information far too late and purely by accident.
Autistic people are at a much higher risk for all kinds of abuse, moreso than almost any other demographic (not simply because we have social difficulties and are hypersensitive and hyper-empathetic but because the majority of autistic people have other disabilities, most of us are in the LGBTQIAS2+ community and autistics already have extremely high suicide rates due to the bullying and prejudice we face our entire lives even without targeted abuse designed to make us unable to trust even ourselves anymore). So please, if you happened across this page because I am an autistic activist and you were drawn here because you yourself or someone you know are either autistic or suspect that may be a possibility, please, please familiarize yourself with this pattern of behaviour and learn what to watch out for and remember that you are not at fault in any way, shape or form. Of course, if you’re not autistic and don’t know anyone who is, you should still brush up on this stuff.
The following websites and ‘meme’-style images below may be of use to you:
